"Circles"

By Demetrius Johnson

Dedicated to Toya Johnson

Losing someone you love is an indescribable feeling. There are no words that can truly sum up the emotions in which you feel. It's a kind of pain that I don't think words will ever be able to fully describe. Today marks two years since my sister's passing and I still haven't found the words. 

Grief can be insufferable and suffocating. It latches onto you and at times it feels as though you will never be able to free yourself of it's grip. I often times feel like I'm in a race where my emotions are in an endless loop...going in circles.

There are moments where it feels like you're slowly making progress in healing your heart only to circle right back around to where it's broken. It at times feels like there's no end in sight. As much as we understand that death is inevitable and we all must face it one day, knowing this fact doesn't aid in making it easier to digest.

You think of all the moments you shared with your loved one and you smile and laugh only to end up in tears again. How do you go from loving and caring for someone and living life with them to one day being expected to continue on without that person. How do you internalize the fact that you are no longer able to speak with them laugh with them or be in each other's presence?

Trying to continue being happy, when someone who contributed to that hippieness, is no longer here in an uphill battle. It's extremely difficult trying to find peace, when a huge piece of you is now missing. 

I hope that one day I'm able to find an exit from this endless loop. I hope that one day I'm able to stop running this race. I hope that one day I am capable of finding peace. I hope that one day my heart will heal and I can stop going around in circles.

Toya Johnson

In Loving Memory of Toya "Africa" Johnson

Photography by Demetrius Johnson

Today marks the year anniversary of my sister's passing. In the time that she has been gone, I feel as though I have become a completely different person. Trying to find peace, when the biggest piece of me is missing has been extremely difficult.

We are often told that, "Time heals all wounds" and I hope and pray that there is truth in that statement. Grieving the most valuable person in the world to me, has been an uphill battle and undoubtedly the hardest of my life. Over the past year there have been many times where I felt I would self-destruct. Trying to accept the harsh reality that she is no longer here, has seemed absolutely unfathomable. I often sit alone and speak to her as though she is still here, only to realize that I will never hear her respond and it's almost unbearable. We would often say to one another that "We're Johnson's and we can get through anything" and that has been the sole driving force for me to push on, because I don't want to let her down by not being able to make it through this.

I'm thankful for all the times we got to share. I’m thankful for all the love we got to give to one another. I’m thankful for all the laughs and all the memories we created together, that I get to hold in my heart forever. Grief is something that no one and nothing can prepare you for. Losing a loved one isn't easy at all and you can easily lose yourself in "What Ifs" and "What could have been." I continuously have to remind myself of who she was and what she would have wanted for me. She wouldn't want me going through life with a cloud of darkness hanging over me. She wouldn't want me to feel overwhelmed with guilt. She would want me to continue living life and to try to make it as beautiful as I possibly could, because that's just who she was.

You're the first thing on my mind when I awake and you're the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep. I've said it before and I'll say it again and again and again, you are the best gift that God and our mom have ever given me! You're still the one I go to when I'm having a bad day. You're still the one I go to when I'm having a good day. You're still my best friend. Nothing and no one will ever be able to feel the void left in my heart and in my life. I love you and I miss you more than words can ever express. It's still me and you until the wheels fall off! Love, your big brother.

 

Brow Skin Girl

Featuring Toya "Africa" Johnson

Photography by Demetrius Markee

I am very fortunate to have lived a life, that so far, has treated me well over all.  There is a long list of things that I I am grateful to have or have had in my life. There are a multitude of things that I consider to have been great gifts bestowed upon me in these thirty four years on earth and I can say that I have been blessed with great life experiences. I am so appreciative of all that I have been able to experience and all of the gifts life has offered, but I can say, with a shadow of a doubt that the greatest gift I have ever received is my sister!

There is no greater gift God or my mom could have given me than my sister. Being able to experience life's ups, downs, highs and lows with you has been such an amazing plus to life. Having someone that you can confide in, trust with your secrets, cry with, laugh with, lift you up when you're down and to know that regardless of any decisions you make they will always be there for you is something a lot of people never get to experience. We may not always agree on things, but the love that we share for one another outweighs any and everything. To be able to share my life with you is a blessing. 

I tried my best to make the best decisions in life, because I knew you were watching and I wanted to lead by example. I wanted to ensure that I would be someone you could be proud of and look up to, because I was the older brother, but I now realize that me being the oldest doesn't mean a thing. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter who's older or younger, because we both can lead by example. I may be the oldest, but I in some ways look up to you just as much as you look up to me! Watching you live your life "FOR YOU" despite what anyone may have to say or think makes me proud. Watching you take ownership of your life and grow to love and embrace all that you are has made me better.

Unbeknownst to you, I walk a little more firm in who I am because of you! You've opened my eyes to things in life I may have never paid attention to if I didn't have you. I'm so grateful to have you in my life and to be able to call you my sister. The best thing in the world...I'll never trade you for anybody else!

At Home

Featuring Edward

Photography by Demetrius Markee

There's something comforting about being in your own home with the things you are familiar with. The way it smells, the temperature, your bed and just being in a space where you are able to relax and be one hundred percent comfortable. Home should be the one place you find solace. 

There's no wrong you can do in your own home. There is nothing that can be said about the way in which you go about relaxing in your home. Being in a space that is set up to solely please you and aid in your peace of mind is a feeling that is one of kind. Come inside, lay all your burdens down, relax and and ease your mind...you're home.

D'Alonzo

Featuring D'Alonzo

Photography by Demetrius Markee

Does my blackness offend you? When I ask you this, I am not referring to the color of my skin. When I ask, "Does my BLACKNESS offend you?" I am referring to my history, my culture, my lived experience and my ability to rise after being beat down with oppression! 

I take pride in all of my components. I cannot be intimidated, I cannot be undermined and I will not be moved. I stand firm in who I am and will not allow anyone to write the narrative for me.  Again I ask you...Does my Blackness offend you?

A Thousand Words

Featuring Darius Amore

Photography by Demetrius Markee

"A picture is worth a thousand words," they say. What exactly are these words? Are these words that that are too afraid to be uttered? Are these words that are too harsh to be spoken aloud? Are these words that are too truthful to be heard? If a picture is worth are thousand words, it should be able to tell an amazing story. The good, bad and the ugly.

ÊTRE JEUNE

Featuring Drew Davis

Photography by Demetrius Markee

To be young, to be care free, to feel as though we have our entire lives ahead of us is something we all do in our youth. We tend to think that the end seems so far away that we can't even begin to fathom the idea that our youth will undoubtedly fade away. Youth seems to be something that isn't quite appreciated until it is no longer present. 

We at times take our youth for granted. We blame our mistakes and poor choices on being "Young and dumb," but we never actually equate our youth to being a defining time in our lives where we have the opportunity to discover who we are or at least begin to realize who we would like to become.

Take advantage of this moment in time and enjoy the experience of your youth. Learn as much as you can from those you admire, build relationships with people that have potential to be positive influences in your life. Don't waste your time thinking that you will always have tomorrow to do what you didn't do today. Treasure these years and take the world in while preparing yourself for the life you want and the "You" that you plan to be.

Robert Hatcher

Featuring Robert Hatcher

Photography by Demetrius Markee

I shot these images of Robert Hatcher some time ago. At the time when we shot Robert was modeling with Chosen Model Management. In between shots he filled me in on some of the things that were taking place in his life. Engaged to his long time sweetheart Robert was looking forward to becoming a married man and had a list of things he was looking to accomplish after graduating college. 

Since then Robert has gone on to become a research assistant at Georgia State and an entrepreneur. It's always interesting to hear a little of what's taken place in people's lives while we're shooting, it kinda gives me a feel for who they are at the core. As appose to assuming or trying to make people into who I want them to be, I'd rather allow who they truly are to shine through. 

Jack Rabbit

Featuring Tyree 

Photography by Demetrius Markee

When shooting models you quickly learn that there are models/clients who shy away from images that aren't considered, "The Standard" or "Safe." Models who prefer to walk a fine line while shooting are like rabbits. You know the rabbits you often see in the gardens and flowers. The ones you feel safe seeing around your home and aren't afraid to pet because you feel comfortable with them. Well then there are Jackrabbits and they on the other hand are a different breed!

Jackrabbits are not seen any and everywhere and when noticed, unlike rabbits, they make you a bit nervous and uneasy. These are the models who are willing to cross the line, be a vessel for the sake of art and push the limits of what's considered the norm. Sometimes you wanna capture that jackrabbit, that kinda cares people, out in the brush in the shadows. In other words sometimes you just wanna shoot some eye catching or different ish! Don't overthink it, it's just a picture.     

Leaving a Trace: As featured in BeautifulMag

Featuring Travis Trace
Styling Demerius Markee

Photography by Demetrius Markee

It's impossible to maneuver through life without leaving fragments of who you are. With everything and everyone you come into contact with, you leave behind a trace. Traces are things we leave behind for others to latch onto to vividly paint a picture in their mind.

Traces help to piece together the puzzle that is each and every one of us as human beings. Traces help to answer questions one may have as to who we are as a person? What drives us? What scares us? What excites us? What impact have we had on this world. These are questions that the traces you leave behind help to answer.

What affect will you have on other's when you cross their minds? Will you cross their minds? What will you leave behind? Have you left substance behind. If for some reason you didn't like the answers said to yourself, don't worry. Climb into bed, sleep well and leave a trace tomorrow. 

"Whatever we do in our life, every decision we make it leaves a mark behind. We are living, breathing beings and our presence leaves an imprint in life and in the lives of other people." -BeautifulMag

FEAR-LESS

Featuring Darius Amore

Photography By Demetrius Markee

Fear can be extremely stifling to one's growth. You can allow fear to consume your mind and leave you in a state of being that has you believing that you are not capable. You can be a person of such substance, such depth and someone who has the potential to achieve great things and fear has the ability to step in and stop you dead in your tracks.

People often times use fear as a crutch or as a means to an out in a situation that they feel they are not prepared for. Allowing fear to take charge in a situation can unfortunately cause one to lose out on greatness, that they were unaware lay waiting ahead for them. It's extremely easy to let the fear of failing,of being let down or simply not being seen as enough cloud your vision. Fear can force you to make decisions that later on in life, you look back on and wish you had the opportunity to change.

There comes a time in a person's life where although the overwhelming feeling of fear is present, you must continue on with trying to achieve. Regardless of what it is that you have in mind to do, put the effort in and don't let fear stand in the way of your attempt. If you want something then you have to be willing to go after it. Sometimes we know deep down when something feels right and no matter how much our mind wants to tell us it isn't, our guts and our hearts say otherwise.

You have to know that with all things there will be moments that scare you and that's okay! Don't let your fear dictate the decisions you make in life. Take that risk on love, take that risk on  a relocation, take that risk on a dream job, take the risk of truly accepting who you are. Fear can only do what we allow it to do and only consume as much of our lives as we give it the ability to. Sometimes we have to be more than what we think we are, sometimes we have to instead walk in what we know we are.

Shed the thoughts that hinder you, that make you question yourself, question your relationships and question your friendships. Get rid of those who don't believe in you and mean you no good. Become comfortable in your own skin, trust in the process, trust in something bigger than yourself. For it's when you are able to take risks in life that you have moved beyond being fearful and have become fearless.

This Skin

Featuring Jah Quinones

Photography by Demetrius Markee

This skin I'm in cannot be undone. This skin I'm in can do no wrong. This skin I'm in shields me from the outside world. This skin I'm in allows me to see things clearly and never blurred.

This skin I'm in has endured many obstacles and changes. This skin I'm in always heals from temporary damages. This skin I'm in has taught me many things. This skin I'm in has let me know that I am a king.

This skin I'm in has been the topic of many conversations. This skin I'm in has literally been my salvation. I may not know all there is to know, but this skin I'm in will always allow me a reason to want to grow. 

Captivated

Featuring Patrick

 Photography by Demetrius Markee

Being in the presence of a strong man who is able to articulately voice his dreams and aspirations as well as his views on life can captivate and change the way one may view that man, but to be in the presence of a man strong enough to take action and set those dreams in motion to make them a reality can change the way in which one views men entirely!

It's no longer desirable to just be a pretty face in the crowd or to simply hear a man speak on what it is they seek in life. Today the fire inside just isn't lit by looks alone nor does the passion flow for someone who makes you believe they know what it is they want out of life. Desire stems from laying eyes on a man who stands firm in who he is, knows what he wants in life and who actually is achieving it. A real man captivates you from every angle!