In Loving Memory of Toya "Africa" Johnson
Photography by Demetrius Johnson
Today marks the year anniversary of my sister's passing. In the time that she has been gone, I feel as though I have become a completely different person. Trying to find peace, when the biggest piece of me is missing has been extremely difficult.
We are often told that, "Time heals all wounds" and I hope and pray that there is truth in that statement. Grieving the most valuable person in the world to me, has been an uphill battle and undoubtedly the hardest of my life. Over the past year there have been many times where I felt I would self-destruct. Trying to accept the harsh reality that she is no longer here, has seemed absolutely unfathomable. I often sit alone and speak to her as though she is still here, only to realize that I will never hear her respond and it's almost unbearable. We would often say to one another that "We're Johnson's and we can get through anything" and that has been the sole driving force for me to push on, because I don't want to let her down by not being able to make it through this.
I'm thankful for all the times we got to share. I’m thankful for all the love we got to give to one another. I’m thankful for all the laughs and all the memories we created together, that I get to hold in my heart forever. Grief is something that no one and nothing can prepare you for. Losing a loved one isn't easy at all and you can easily lose yourself in "What Ifs" and "What could have been." I continuously have to remind myself of who she was and what she would have wanted for me. She wouldn't want me going through life with a cloud of darkness hanging over me. She wouldn't want me to feel overwhelmed with guilt. She would want me to continue living life and to try to make it as beautiful as I possibly could, because that's just who she was.
You're the first thing on my mind when I awake and you're the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep. I've said it before and I'll say it again and again and again, you are the best gift that God and our mom have ever given me! You're still the one I go to when I'm having a bad day. You're still the one I go to when I'm having a good day. You're still my best friend. Nothing and no one will ever be able to feel the void left in my heart and in my life. I love you and I miss you more than words can ever express. It's still me and you until the wheels fall off! Love, your big brother.
