"Circles"
By Demetrius Johnson
Dedicated to Toya Johnson
Losing someone you love is an indescribable feeling. There are no words that can truly sum up the emotions in which you feel. It's a kind of pain that I don't think words will ever be able to fully describe. Today marks two years since my sister's passing and I still haven't found the words.
Grief can be insufferable and suffocating. It latches onto you and at times it feels as though you will never be able to free yourself of it's grip. I often times feels like I'm in an endless race where my emotions are in an endless loop...going in circles.
There are moments where it feels like you're slowly making progress in healing your heart only to circle right back around to where it's broken. It at times feels like there's no end in sight. As much as we understand that death is inevitable and we all must face it one day, knowing this fact doesn't aid in making it easier to digest.
You think of all the moments you shared with your loved one and you smile and laugh only to end up in tears again. How do you go from loving and caring for someone and living life with them to one day being expected to continue on without that person. How do you internalize the fact that you are no longer able to speak with them laugh with them or be in each other's presence?
Trying to continue being happy, when someone who contributed to that hippieness, is no longer here in an uphill battle. It's extremely difficult trying to find peace, when a huge piece of you is now missing.
I hope that one day I'm able to find an exit from this endless loop. I hope that one day I'm able to stop running this race. I hope that one day I am capable of finding peace. I hope that one day my heart will heal and I can stop going around in circles.
